Ever wonder why you can't seem to make the right decisions?
When we are in fight and flight the main goal is survival, not living.
What's the difference I hear you ask?
In a nutshell, our survival response is all about what will get me through the next minute to keep me alive. Our living response is what will I do that will move me onwards and upwards in my life to keep me happy, joyful and fulfilled.
If you approach a situation from a survival perspective, you often makes decisions that don't actually serve you well in the long term but allow you to survive in the moment.
For example: Someone is having an argument with their partner and things are getting heated - there's frustration, anger and perhaps grief. Using their survival neurology, they decide to run (FLIGHT) away from (i.e. avoid) the problem because they don't know how to respond to the situation and fighting back (FIGHT) isn't working to resolve the argument.
They might do this running away (FLIGHT) by:
physically leaving ("I've had enough" and leave the house)
using escapism (Netflix binge, gaming)
inappropriate bonding (gambling, emotional eating, alcohol, drugs)
communication shutdown (ghosting)
If they were able to approach the same situation from a "living" perspective, recognising that maybe it's their own unresolved stuff (Trauma) that might contributing to the problem,
They might instead:
physically take a deep breath, a walk, a bath, get counselling, etc. and try a different approach. They recognise that what they're doing isn't working (moving them forward) so something needs to change. They still might leave the house to "cool-off" but its more about finding a good headspace to try to figure things out.
using education - maybe there is something they can read, someone they can talk to professionally, listen to a podcast or TED talk, etc. that will give them some understanding of their inner reality, how humans work, and how they got to this point (do the inner work)
building their bonds by talking to loved ones - family, friends, support groups and sharing their problems or struggles, not just to vent but to get ideas and support, a shoulder to cry on or a good laugh
share where they're am at through open communication and inclusive dialogue
So, How do you know whether you've made a fight and flight decision?
You often aren't aware of it and if you do, it feels impulsive. When you think of it later you cringe at your response or you feel sad or irritated. You start to imagine different versions of the scenario. possibly where you come out as "the winner".
This all points to an unresolved trauma or experience - the evidence is in the behaviours.
You can change it for yourself but the question remains as to how?
The more you know and understand how you respond to trauma and unresolved life experiences the quicker and deeper you will get into your why. The question isn't, "how do I respond differently" but rather, "Why am I responding the way I do"?
When we start with the WHY we can then be aware of where our responses come from. Change starts with AWARENESS.
The only way to solve this is to start your awareness journey as soon as possible and RESOLVE your understanding of the experience so you can go from surviving to living.
If this blog has resonated and made sense for you or you feel you'd like to work on RESOLVING any unresolved experiences or trauma in your life. Click the link below to book in for a session or alternatively feel free to contact Aaron to ask any questions or discuss further.
Original Content sourced from Resolve Beyond Neurology and written by Carolyn Farnan
Blog post edited and designed by Aaron Farrell
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