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Why Do I Keep Ending Up in Shitty Relationships? (And How to Break the Cycle for Good)

Writer's picture: Aaron FarrellAaron Farrell

Updated: Jan 30




If you’ve ever found yourself asking, “Why does this keep happening to me?” after yet another relationship crash and burn, you’re not alone. Whether it’s the same red flags showing up with different people, feeling like you’re always the one giving more, or walking on eggshells to avoid conflict—these patterns can feel like they’re on repeat. Add anxiety to the mix, and it can feel like you’re stuck in an emotional whirlpool, always trying to catch your breath but never quite making it to the surface. Let’s talk about why this happens—and more importantly, how you can start breaking free.

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1. It’s Not Your Fault (But It’s Worth Exploring) 

 

Firstly, take a metaphorical deep breath (or an actual one if you like):

 

This is not about blaming yourself. Many of us carry unspoken stories or narrative from our past childhood experiences, societal expectations, or even unresolved experiences & trauma that quietly shape us and how we approach relationships. Your subconscious mind plays a huge role here. It’s like a “GPS” for your emotional world, guiding you to situations it recognises as familiar or predictable, even if they’re not healthy.

 

If you’ve grown up in a world where love felt unpredictable or conditional, your subconscious might mistake chaos or inconsistency for connection. This inconsistency and unpredictability then became…. In an almost paradoxical way…predictable and familiar. 

 

Our subconscious loves predictability because if something is predictable then “I know what to do, how to respond and react”. When we know what to do and how to do it, then we feel “safe” or at a minimum we’re able to protect ourselves in and unsafe environment or relationship.


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2. Anxiety and the Fight/Flight/Fawn/Freeze Response

 Now let’s talk about anxiety. When you’re stuck in a cycle of bad relationships, anxiety often becomes your constant companion. You might overthink every text message, feel like you need to “prove” your worth, or avoid expressing your needs because of the fear of rejection. This is often tied to what Is call the *fight/flight/fawn/freeze response. Your nervous system can’t tell the difference between a real threat (like a tiger chasing you) and an emotional one (like someone not replying to your text). If your subconscious associates relationships with danger, you’ll either want to run from them, fight to make them work, shrink yourself to keep the peace or be unable to do anything and feel powerless and helplessSpoiler alert: none of these lead to healthy, fulfilling love.


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3. Why Awareness Is the First Step to Freedom 

Here’s the good news: you can change this. Recognising these patterns is the first step toward breaking free from them. Ask yourself: - What stories about love did I grow up with? - How do I feel about setting boundaries or saying no? - Do I believe I’m truly worthy of love that feels safe, supportive, and exciting? 

 

This will help you build awareness of the narrative around love and relationships within yourself.


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4. Rewriting the Script (From the Inside Out) 

True transformation goes deeper than just setting boundaries or avoiding certain types of people. It’s about uncovering the root cause of why your subconscious keeps pulling you toward these situations in the first place. That’s where the deeper work begins. By addressing the subconscious beliefs and meanings you’ve carried around love your whole life, you can rewire your “GPS” to guide you toward healthier, more fulfilling connections. This isn’t about “fixing” you—you’re not broken. It’s about helping your mind and body feel safe enough to seek and accept the love you deserve. 


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5. Moving Forward with Confidence 

Imagine stepping into your next relationship with clarity and confidence. Instead of overthinking every little thing, you feel calm and secure in yourself. Instead of repeating old patterns, you’ve broken the cycle and created space for a connection that aligns with your values and vision for the future. This isn’t just wishful thinking—it’s absolutely possible. And it starts with exploring what’s been keeping you stuck and how you can release it. 


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Are You Ready to Break the Cycle and Rewrite Your Love Story? 




At Horizon Kinesiology, We help people just like you uncover the subconscious patterns and triggers that keep them stuck in unhealthy relationship cycles. You deserve love that feels safe and empowering. And it starts with you. 💛 


If you’re tired of feeling stuck in the same patterns and ready to experience real change, I’m here to help. We’ll work together to rewrite the story so you can move forward with more peace, purpose, and self-trust. In just one session, we’ll start uncovering the subconscious patterns that have been holding you back and gently work toward creating the clarity, confidence, and connection you deserve. ✨ 


Book your session today and take the first step toward transforming your relationships—and your life. You don’t have to do this alone. Let’s make 2025 the year you finally feel free. Click below to book now


Blog post written, edited and designed by Aaron Farrell in collaboration from Megan Tyler from Experience Balance (Neuro-Training Kinesiologist & Resolve Beyond Neurology Practitioner)





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