What a SHAME

“I’m not good enough”

“I shouldn’t have done that”

“I should be doing more”

“I’m so lazy”

“I’m not worthy”

Shame - that voice in your head making you believe that you are flawed, that you are not worthy, that you do not belong. The voice that eats away at your self worth, causing you to overthink and over analyse.

Slipping into a spiral of shame overflows out of your own head and begins to affect other aspects of your life. And if that shame is prolonged - it becomes immobilising. It removes your rose-coloured glasses from your face and swaps them with a gloomy grey pair making you question everything from your physical appearance to your behaviours to your values and most importantly to your worth in society.

So where does shame come from?

Shame is a learnt behaviour. As children we are carefree and curious. Testing boundaries and not looking over our shoulder at what others may think of us. Though as we grow older, the desire to ‘fit in’ and ‘belong’ becomes necessary for our survival. Or at least that’s what we perceive to be necessary.

We are social bonding animals - pack animals. Throughout the generations of evolution we have learned that being a part of a ‘pack’ maximises our survival, so we actively seek creating bonds to feel safe. Bonding with others also releases our happy hormones and encourages us to make connections. Holding these connections accountable for our safety and happiness.

It is when our ability to ‘fit in’ is threatened that we begin to feel shameful. We fear losing that safety and happiness. We fear the feeling of not belonging. We slip into the spiral of shame and the gloomy grey coloured glasses come on. Wearing these glasses long term dysregulates your autonomic functioning and causes long term side effects of worthlessness, exhaustion, anxiety, depression, perfectionism, guilt, codependency. It is a killer of kindness, compassion, confidence and self-love.

So what can we do about it?

To overcome shame, having compassion and awareness is the first step. Try meditating and sitting with your shameful thoughts, separating who you are as a person from who your internal monologue is telling you you are. Shame can not be overcome with toxic positivity, you are not trying to convince yourself into a new belief but rather combatting that belief with kindness. When feelings of shame arise, it is easy to over analyse and sink into a hole of self-negativity. Next time, try separating the judgement by counteracting these feelings with a comment of understanding.

Alternatively, of course, the best practice to overcome shame would be to work with a practitioner (such as Aaron) to dive deep into where your shame stems from.

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AUTONOMIC NERVOUS SYSTEM

In our last blog, we discussed the FIGHT or FLIGHT response and how it has evolved from the stone ages from ‘automatic survival’ to ‘constant survival’. But how does our FIGHT or FLIGHT response contribute to an unstable nervous system?

Our nervous system is an intricate network of pathways that lead all the way from the brain out to every part of our body. Extending from the top, stretching out to the very tips of our fingers and toes, the nervous system separates into two sections of its own - voluntary (The Somatic System) and involuntary (The Autonomic System or ANS) which is what we’re diving into today.

The Autonomic Nervous System

The ANS works on a subconscious level and regulates the body’s digestion, respiration and circulation systems without us having to think about it. It's involuntary - think about it, we don't have to remind ourselves to breathe in and out or tell our brain to pump blood throughout the body to keep us alive.

This is the beauty of the ANS - it's like an automated system working 24/7 in the background and makes sure we are functioning and running smoothly. The ANS is the autopilot of our nervous system and allows us, as the ‘pilots’ of our bodies, to relax and know that the plane is flying smoothly.

The ANS breaks down into two systems of its own - the sympathetic (fight or flight) and the parasympathetic (rest and digest). Both play important roles in survival and are in charge of our ability to stress and relax when necessary.

The Sympathetic Nervous System (SNS)

This is what we talk about when discussing our FIGHT or FLIGHT response. Whilst it sounds scary and is activated in stressful situations - FIGHT or FLIGHT has helped us to survive this long and is actually very beneficial to our ability to stay alive. However - FIGHT or FLIGHT has changed from the short term survival response to a threat and evolved into a chronic and ongoing state of survival. When the SNS is activated, your body suffers changes of:

• Increased heart rate

• Dilated pupils

• Restricted or rapid breathing

• Sensitised hearing

• Tension in your muscles

Whilst your nervous system finds these responses necessary for survival (and if you’re being chased by a bear or axe murderer they certainly are) - your SNS will activate these responses for threats whether real or perceived. This causes us to be stuck in a sustained mode of survival and consequently alters the involuntary systems that the ANS is in charge of leaving them running not so smoothly.

When the SNS is overwhelmed, our body prioritises feelings of anxiousness and stress over growth and repair.

The Parasympathetic Nervous System (PSNS)

Ahh now it's time to REST and DIGEST. This is when our PSNS system comes into play - this is the ‘slow down’ response, our state of relaxation. Your body responds to this system by:

• Slowing the heart rate and breathing

• Digestion and metabolising food: allowing your body to soak in the essential nutrients

• Process of elimination: removes waste and toxins from the body

• Stimulating salivation - helping with the breakdown and digestion of food

• Constricts pupils

• Producing tears: lacrimation of the eyes producing lubrication and protection to preserve eye tissues

The PSNS counteracts with the SNS to recalibrate the body back to a state of relaxation to promote growth and restoration.

A Harmonious Nervous System

Both the SNS and PSNS are vital to our survival should they be working in harmony. However, imbalances within the autonomic nervous system can manifest into long-term physical, emotional, psychological and mental problems. This can look like:

• High blood pressure

• Low back pain

• Digestive issues such as IBS

• Respiratory issues such as asthma

• Depression and anxiety

• Headaches

• Or for children: ADHD and behavioural disorders such as ODD

Don’t fret - an imbalanced nervous system is curable. If you feel as though your SNS is taking hold of your life and you’re unable to get into a state of relaxation try taking a few deep conscious breaths as a quick fix. By focusing on your breath - you are taking control of an automatic subconscious function and bringing it into your consciousness offering a direct line to the PSNS. Your PSNS is also heavily influenced by the vagus nerve and by learning to activate it, you can learn to bring yourself back to balance (stay tuned for the next blog for more on this).

Breath is one way to quickly navigate back into REST and DIGEST mode, however it does not resolve the issues of why you may be stuck in FIGHT or FLIGHT. If you want to really calm your nervous system - get in contact with Aaron to get to the bottom of why your SNS is stuck in overdrive and begin to UNLEASH YOUR GREATEST POTENTIAL.

Blog post written and designed by Allie Michelle Aitken

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